Eirin blinked in confusion, tilting her head to look at her sister. “Of course I’m awake - you’re in my room, talking loudly. Who could sleep through this?” She looked towards Elayne, close enough that she could barely see Diarin over his back. Her heart fluttered more than she’d acknowledged or allowed it to in years. “And what are you doing here, Elayne? We agreed that you don't need to stand guard while I’m sleeping, and, if you choose to,I don’t want you to be this close.” She felt odd, funny even, as though her tongue wanted to take back those words and the lies she refused to acknowledge. 

He turned to fully look at her, still careful to keep his body between her and her furious sister’s. His face was impassive, but she’d spent enough time with him to be able to individualize the notes of surprise in his deep brown eyes. “You know my name.” Surprise, and a hint of… dreamy wonder? It lacked any of the true warmth that she’d been seeing as their “friendship” grew, but it was still Elayne. Maybe just not quite her Elayne.

“Of course I know your name!” her voice sounded thin to her own ears, rushed and rabid and a little bit breathless. “You’re my… mm. You’re one of my closest friends.” She couldn’t sound desperate, not when she wasn’t the one pushing them closer, closer, closer. 

Once upon a time, there had almost been something between them, his devotion overwhelming her complete lack of trepidation. She’d been the one stepping forward, inviting him to things, tagging after him. He’d been kind, always ready with a smile, always close enough to keep her safe. But he hadn’t treated her like a person then, and her crush had fallen by the way, one-sided. She’d been jealous of the fights between him and Diarin, at the passion he allowed himself to show what felt like anyone but her.

And now his eyes warmed for her, and she wanted to tell him it was too late, that he had missed his chance, but she, who had never felt fear before knowing him, discovered in herself a coward.

Diarin’s shriek brought Eirin from her own head, from the thoughts circling and cycling and bringing her to ruin. “What have you done?” The shove was not gentle, but it was carefully positioned so that the step he had to take was away from Eirin. “Do you come in here, tell her stories, get her confused? How in the world could she know you? You tried to kill her.”

“As I’ve said before, Lady Diarin,” he responded, voice even, nearly curt. “I had - and have - no desire to kill your sister. This is the first time I was even able to get near her, and look: she is finally awake. Perhaps it is you who wishes that she’d never wake?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wake. Wake, Eirin, you need to wake up. Wake, you fool girl.”

That didn’t sound anything like Elayne or Diarin, and Eirin shook her head, gasping at the pain in her neck. It was not as violent as she’d thought it would be, merely new skin complaining that it was too young to grow. She couldn’t see, and it took a minute to realize that she hadn’t opened her eyes.

What she saw was the bearded face of Crenia leaning over here, worry easing into self-satisfaction as she noted Eirin’s wince. “Good, you’re up. Elayne carried you until we could take a look at what happened, but you were out for too long, we thought we’d lost you.”

“Elayne?” she responded, surprised that her throat burned on the word and she couldn’t push anything else through.

Crenia stood straight, stretching her neck and shoulders as though she’d been standing in the same position for too many hours. “Probably with Ceres, that charlatan. Claims to know ‘magic’, and then refused to help you. Your guardian angel was none too pleased, princess. Finally someone won’t say I’m ‘overreacting’ when I tell them he’s a waste of space and breath, that matter should have started his creation and then folded inward, saying ‘Maybe there’s some times I should be destroyed.’ All of our issues have been from him. All of them!”

“Even my neck?” Eirin cut in, voice as sweet as she could make it.

“Of course! He could not help the problem, so he was only a hindrance. But I’ll go find Elayne - it’s my turn to tell him off.” She turned to leave, but Eirin scrambled to her feet, surprised both that she didn’t immediately topple over and that Erno was just watching her, completely silently, as though the crow was still stuck in mourning.

“Please,” she said, voice catching on whatever the lonely creature had done. “I. Alone.” 

Crenia stepped back, just far enough that Eirin couldn’t touch her without stumbling forward. “You’re not alone. Your crow is here, Elayne’s weird hand is nearby. That… thing, whatever-it-is of Ceres’ keeps trying to crawl on you, and I’m sure you’ll be joined by your rescuer himself, soon. Just… stay here. I do mostly theoretical magic - healing was supposed to be Ceres’ job.” And with that, she quickly left - but did not run - away.

Oh, but how Eirin’s head hurt. She had just been in her family home, with Diarin’s griping ringing through her ears. Or had she been trying to help a poor, lonely thing, trusting too much that she wouldn’t get hurt? She’d almost forgotten why she was slow to acknowledge Elayne, why she refused to take a step in a direction other than the one they were barreling towards. She’d never asked him why he’d rebuffed her, but she was waiting for him to grow inpatient, to confess something just so that she could ask why now, after she’d sculpted protections between their hearts.

She’d forgotten his betrayal.

“You’re, okay?” His voice was oddly warm, with a ragged edge that hinted at desperation. Or was she just reading too much into it, creating wild imaginations where she truly was the princess and he the loyal knight?

She shrugged, unsure that her body would be able to even look in his direction without falling back to the ground.

He stepped in front of her, large and broad and protective, and she could almost convince herself that he’d only ever wanted to be the older brother she’d never had. “I’m sorry I was too slow, that I didn’t get between you and that thing.”

“You didn’t know how far it’d reach,” she replied, starting flat but rounding into a level of feigned wonder. “It looked so lonely. Like…” She couldn’t say it, not now. Couldn’t say why she’d taken enough steps to be devoured. She couldn’t mention that she remembered how alone he had looked when she’d first found him, asleep as though dead and inside a sealed crypt. If he hadn’t been able to sleep, would he have turned as mad as the pitiful creature who tried to make her as lonely as he? “So alone,” she finally finished with a sweet and simple smile.

The silence that fell between them felt heavy, uncertain. It lit the chasm between them, reminding her just how far apart their hearts actually were. In the dark, she could pretend that they were close, that they were friends, that he cared, but she was too raw to even pretend to pretend.

He cleared his throat, anxiety touching his stolidness in a way that almost scared her. “You should sleep, Lady,” he said softly, and she violently flinched to hear him avoid her name. “We should leave and let Diarin-” of course, he could say hers with no issue “-take a look at your neck, as she’s brilliant with healing.”

She just nodded, folded to the ground, and closed her eyes, refusing to acknowledge the warmth of his body on her back as he laid near her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was gone when she woke up in the morning, and she could hear the deep rumble of his voice mingle with the flat, distracted tones of the scholar. Eirin felt much better - still sore, but like she could move without help.

“Ah, good, the princess is awake! We were getting nervous that you’d sleep too long and we’d have to leave you.” She used to find Ceres amusing, but she was having a hard time not scowling at him today. “We would have come back, of course - at least, some of us would have, with help! There’s just this creature that’s sleeping in front of the exit, and I don’t think you’re able to do much in your current… state.”

She looked at him, multi-colored eyes wide and innocent. “Whatever do you mean?” The effect was ruined a bit by how scratchy her voice remained, but she ignored it, pushing through her own body’s unfamiliarity. “Crenia said that we can just leave you behind to do ‘party tricks’ if anything happens! Let’s go.”

He rolled his eyes, and Eirin assumed that meant Crenia had actually said that to his face, rather than just being something silly the cotton candy girl had made up. “Fine, let’s go.”