Hessatal was climbing again.

The frozen wind was howling. The rain was a torrent falling from the clouds that covered the highest point. And he was still climbing. 

Clinging to the mountainside that he was so desperate to ascend with all the world spread out below him in all its vastness

He had to keep going. 

Surely the peak was near. He told himself again and again. Every searching step he took was laborious. Feeling out with his hooves for even just a little purchase. The smallest crack, the tiniest groove to get even just that little bit higher. 

Hess was exhausted. But he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop

How long had it been since he was last able to take a solid step?

Icy wind raked through his hair and chilled his straining rain soaked muscles.

Why didn’t he feel any closer to the top?

Lightning scourged the sky making Hess start. A hoof slipped and he scrambled only just managed to reclaim his tenuous foothold as the sky roared its pain.

Heavy hoof steps clapped out with the thunder as two pearl stallions, ochre and phthalo stood above him silhouetted against the swirl of black cloud that engulfed the sky.

“How many times are you going to try this before you finally learn?” Hoseok asked looking down from his lofty vantage at his brother's struggling 

“You don’t belong here, Junghee.” Seulki hissed, “You really think you’ve changed? Think you’re anything special?” he lowered his face to fill Hess’s vision with that sneer “We know exactly what you are. What you’ll always be.” 

Hess could feel himself shrinking under his brother's gazes. His limbs burned as they rapidly weakened. Years of growth into himself, of training, of building up his strength deserted him. Till he was left small, scrawny and gangly. Clinging to his hard won footholds on trembling stilts. The awkward coltish proportions he thought he'd outgrown. The appearance he had been teased and mocked for. His head that he had been told was sizes too big, weighed him down

“No! You’re wrong!” Anger and shame burned in Hessatal’s chest and stung his eyes. “I have changed! I can do this! I can -I!” the words were cut with a scream of fear as Hess’s legs started to give. His hold slipped further. 

No. No he couldn’t fall. Not again. 

Not again.

“Who are you trying to fool?” Hoseok asked the coldness of ice in his tone “You’re as pitiful as ever and you really think you can stand beside us?”

“Just give up, Junghee” Seulki smirked 

“No” Hessatal said, his voice cracking with strain as he felt his grip become even more tenuous, slipping further, “I can do this! I just…need a little help…Please!”

“Help yourself.” Hoseok rumbled, raising a dark touched hoof that he brought down in a decisive stomp.

The mountain shook with the very force of it. 

Hessatal couldn’t hold on. He was thrown off the mountain to fall with the rain. Rolling, tumbling and crashing against the steep rocky slopes while laughter and thunder rumbled from the heights. 

His plummet didn’t stop at the ground. It opened and swallowed him. He finally stopped when he hit the bottom of the new pit. Where even the rain didn’t seem to follow.

He knew this pit, its damp, sheer earthen walls, the darkness that clung to every inch of the space beneath the circle of light above that framing the sky. 

The last time he had been here, he had been thrown in by Seulki. He had only gotten out thanks to…Minjun. 

He knew he wouldn’t be coming to save him this time. He had made sure of that. A sick hollow chasm opened in his chest.

No one would. 

He lay in the dirt where he’d fallen and closed his eyes as his body trembled and the tears fell free . 

“Hess?”

Hessatal’s ear flicked at the sound of his name. Becoming all at once aware of the warmth that seemed to surround him. Seeping into his aching muscles like he was bathed in the glow of a hearthfire. 

Opening his eyes there was an orange hue filling the pit. Light radiating from the presence who had joined him. 

So certain, bright, and brilliant in their shine. 

He turned his face away unable to look at the shining one and even less wanting them to see him crying

They didn’t let him retreat like that. they drew close, standing over him,  and he felt a touch gentle as butterfly wings against his cheek. So soft, so caring so heart achingly sweet he couldn’t help but melt as he leaned into it. Breathing deeply their familiar scent as it steadied him.

“...Hessy, come on. Wake up”

Hessatal blinked and his eyes truly opened, disoriented and confused Hessatal fought to get his legs under him while his brain caught up with him.

He still had the scent from his dream in his nostrils. But the scene was different. Instead of dirt and roots it was the stone room in the old fort their party had camped. They hadn’t wanted to sleep in the open, especially not with the hell birds Ritsu and Terrence had spoken of on their last outing to the Moor. 

Their bedding was still set up and Terrence, the silver gilded woad was watching him quiet but intent. At his side looking at him in a way that pained and took his breath away was Ritsu. His white splashed face was close and full of concern. 

“Are you alright?” Ritsu asked.

Hessatal didn’t answer at first. His eyes instead sought out the mirror on the opposite wall. He saw himself and Ritsu reflected back at him. Like a perfectly framed portrait. 

Aside from looking like hell with his blood shot eyes and tear stained face  he looked exactly as he should. 

“Course…it was just a bad dream,” he said. avoiding eye contact with them wanting them to stop staring at him he took another deep breath “just a dream” he repeated though he wasn’t sure if it was more for Ritsu’s reassurance or his own. 

Still he could feel their eyes on him. God he had to look truly pathetic in their eyes too for them to be so quiet and just watching him

Hess shook himself “I'm going for a walk!” he announced sharply. Grabbing his sword and attaching it to his harness as he strode towards the door. 

“Hey hey whoa there buddy. I can’t just let you wander off alone!” Terrance protested getting up to follow Hess but Ritsu body blocked the ace of Crispin’s guild and shook his head firmly at him

Hessatal clopped out of the room decidedly ignoring the gilded woad. He wasn't beholden to Terrence giving orders. And he needed to move. To do something instead of standing there being gawked at. 

 That's what he needed.

 To be…alone…

Terrence huffed, clearly ticked at being blocked and ignored. He stared at Ritsu. “I get he's your second Ritz but you know no one inexperienced with the place should just be alone on the moor.”

“He’s not going to be.”  Ritsu said as he slipped his gear over his head and back into place "But it's going to be me. You can stay and break camp. we'll be back in a few" following Hessatal down the hall and out onto the war scarred plains.